This semester I am taking a class focusing on the Neural Basis of Motivation. For today's class, we were to read a few classic articles regarding the initial research into the topic. As usual, I always attempt to apply what I am reading to my own life - sort of making the experience more personal. I think it helps me remember things.

The overall idea, at least from what I've gathered, is that motivations are derived from a series of events which are learned to quell the anxiety brought about by an unfulfilled instinct.  This applies to both appetites and aversions. In fact, most organisms cycle between the two in a 4-phase cycle. For example, I am hungry, thus I seek out food and eat it. Then I am full and food is an aversion and thus, I don't eat it. and I am more satisfied not eating than I am if I am forced to eat more food.

Interestingly, and this falls in line with some CBT I've been reading about, is that exernal stimuli (including THOUGHTS) prompt these motivational behaviors. Once the motivational string of events is provoked, is it QUITE hard to stop the series of events since these transitions have been learned. The weights for this particular series of behaviors to quell the anxiety is so heavily weighted I think it would be very difficult to re-train. Therefore, for my own sake in the breaking of bad habits, I just cannot indulge my thoughts or else I might set of a chain of reactions that will leave me feeling regretful AFTER it has completed.

Additionally, motivational states actually change the value of rewards.... !!! I am shocked, but I guess I am not surprised. Once I start one of those chain reactions for a bad habit (like over-eating or something) then my prior motivational rewards (like weight loss) are temporarily de-valued in favor of tasty treats. Cognitively I understand that its a bad choice, but damn these ingrained, learned motivations. I don't know, now that I have learned this I feel a little more in control in approaching changing my behavior. I just cannot allow myself to enter into this crazy motivational state. I can't light the fire-cracker!

 I need to let this particular, what I am going to call "Hebbian network" for lack of a better word, to sort of fade away. The threshold needs to find itself beneath the new network I am trying to build. I've heard it takes about 21 days to do that, so let's see if I can remain sub-theshold for 21 days. I hate bad habits. Damn the learning process...why must neurons act this way?!